A$AP Rocky’s Masculinity is Not the Issue… It’s Your Insecurities That is the Problem

So I’ve been seeing a lot of discourse over the cover of Vogue featuring Rihanna with her fiancé A$AP Rocky (my bad to all the Rihanna stans if I don’t know the exact status of their relationship) and child.  Dudes are out here losing their mind at the image, which shows Rihanna walking ahead of Rocky as he holds their child in one hand kissing it and has her hand as he follows behind her.  “This dude’s a simp!”  “Look at this, another black man emasculated…” “Another dominant woman with a submissive man!  Damn shame…”  I have to tell you, I find the shit extremely hilarious and mind boggling.  While I’m sure a lot of the discourse is the usual looking for views or the attempt to trend like a lot of internet talk is centered around, there is no doubt a bunch of simple minded fools out here that truly feel as if Rihanna’s relationship is another blow dealt against us men in the “war for our masculinity.”  It’s utterly preposterous to me that men still hold on to these “traditional” values and mindsets that in truth have been much more of a myth than anything in almost a half a century.  Most of us who grew up within that time should know that women in some shape or form have always lead the way and did not do so just to see men submit to them as men for ages have done to women.

This goes beyond the whole fatherless childhood thing.  In those situations men removed themselves from their responsibilities and women were forced to play multiple roles to try and raise their children as best as they could.  But if you look at relationships in some shape or form women have done more than their fare share to maintain things beyond just raising the children.  They’ve been accountants, making sure the bills are paid, made many of the household decisions, and overall ensured the well being of the relationship and family.  Women have always worn many hats and contributed a lot more than has been recognized, but because in most cases in the past men were the breadwinners.  Bringing home all or the majority of the wealth in the home had always been considered a ultimate piece of the idea that the man was the one leading the way and doing the most to in a relationship.  But now that illusion has been dashed a lot of us have no idea how to handle it.

Now things are a lot more balanced as women have continually been afforded more opportunities to position themselves as equals in the world.  While there are still glass ceilings, women are finding ways to push throw and succeed at a high level to where you are seeing a lot more Beyonces and Rihannas who are equally as successful if not more than their mates.  This is not just something that you see in celebrities either.  More and more you’ll find the same situations occurring in all levels of society.  This has become a serious threat to a lot of male egos as the walls of old school traditions have continued to crumble and the world has changed in a way in which they cannot seem to fathom.  It’s pretty sad really, as the idea of having to be the dominant one in the relationship was never healthy.  At the end of the day, I’m pretty sure Rihanna and A$AP Rocky are completely happy as they both are successful individuals who care for each other and their child.  I’m pretty sure Rocky doesn’t feel the need to be “led” by Rihanna, and that Rihanna doesn’t feel the need to carry him and prove her superiority to him.  But too many men are still stuck on this old school idea of what makes a man a man.  That shit has been dying out for a long time, only hanging on by a thin thread because of clout chasing social media personalities and the foolish sheepish weak minded fools who buy into their crap along with the loud minority of people who just simply refuse to change.

While I’m sure it’s possible to find someone who is willing to play the role in which a lot of these guys want them to play, it’s more than likely a lot of these poor souls will continue to live a sad and lonely existence yelling into the atmosphere about how A$AP Rocky is shaming all of us with his “behavior.”  Again, it is really laughable that these people, who have no intimate knowledge of their relationship to begin with, have devined that Rocky is in a position where he has given up his manhood.  At the end of the day, it’s all insecurities and small minded thinking, behavior which will do them no good as the world continues to grow and evolve.  Men need to learn how to be comfortable in not being an old school stereotype and learn to find peace and happiness with just knowing that you are with someone who values and cares for you and is not looking at what you have financially to measure what type of man you are.  But then again who am I to say so?  Maybe they’re right.  I mean yeah, God forbid I find myself a beautiful woman who is successful and loves me.  Sounds like a fucking nightmare doesn’t it? 

It’s Okay If She Doesn’t Want To Be With Me Because I’m “Broke”

Being broke is not an easy way to live through life.  When you’re financially struggling, there are things in life that just aren’t as enjoyable or don’t feel right when you’re always worrying about how you’re going to pay any of your bills.  Be it rent, car note, electric bill, or groceries, the constant mental anguish and worry can be draining to deal with.  So when I think of the idea of how money ties into relationships, I find it very understandable when women don’t want to be with a guy who is broke.

Now let’s be clear here: when I speak about relationships and being broke, I’m not talking about just simply not being rich or having money to burn.  When people (men or women) seek out only those who are of a certain financial status I find that to be on some bullshit.  You can’t require someone’s pockets to be phat and not bring the same to the table in my eyes because to me that is a sign that you are only looking for someone to potentially take care of you and get you the things you want and need ( but mostly want) is not someone I’d find attractive.  That’s not to say that I have an issue with taking care of someone I love if I were financially capable to, it’s just that I’d prefer to have a choice in the matter, not for it to be a requirement.

But when it comes to your average situation, it is very understandable that a woman doesn’t want to be with a broke guy because finances will always play a significant role in one.  I know it sounds bad and all but let’s be real: being in a relationship with financial instability does nothing but cause problems.  Hell being single and broke is a huge problem that can cause a lot of stress and lead to issues and conflict within yourself; believe me I should know.  Being in a relationship, it becomes that much more impactful.  It ain’t like the movies where no matter what love finds a way and people live happily ever after no matter how much they struggle or how poor they are.  Well maybe it is, as two people going through some shit might somehow work, but if the relationship is being financially carried by one? Well there are bound to be some problems.

And again, let’s be clear: I’m not saying if one partner makes more than the other that there should be no relationship, especially if the woman makes more.  There’s no need for a man to feel emasculated if his girlfriend or wife makes more than he does.  The idea is that both should be able to help take care of the financial responsibilities and work together and when one isn’t doing what they need to do to help out it can be problematic.   If you are someone who can’t carry your end of the deal as far as bills are concerned there will be problems.  Serious problems.  They might not pop off immediately but the longer they exist the worst it would get.

Speaking from the vantage point of being said broke man myself, I totally understand how both sides of the argument work, even though I side with the idea that it can be detrimental to enter a relationship and not be able to hold up your own end of things financially.  I acknowledge that being in a relationship while not as financial stable as you want to be can be helpful as far as motivation and encouragement are concerned but ultimately the risk of not being able to live up to my end of the deal concerns me to where I feel its best I wait until I am in a place I’m comfortable with in order to pursue dating and potentially a relationship.   That is just how I carry things.  Right or wrong, I feel like I am sparing myself and someone else potential pain and heartbreak.

At the end of the day finances do matter in some shape of form.  Sure, there may be certain aspects or limits that we all have that are different, but in my opinion overall the status of both members of a relationship’s financial dependency is a big part of maintaining a stable and long lasting relationship.  It is a part of the level of trust people must share in a relationship, as knowing that your mate won’t do something to put you both in a situation in which you’re financially hamstrung provides a level of comfort and security needed along with everything else.  Perhaps sometimes things can be like the movies and people can get along regardless of what goes on financially, but that happily ever after tale is not as easy to come by as it is on film, and at the end of the day, you shouldn’t expect it to be something someone wants to deal with overall.

When You Ain’t Got No Dough Though…

Being broke sucks.  Understatement of the year I know.  But seriously, being broke sucks really bad.  Struggling to afford what you need is a struggle, let alone finding anything to use for what you want.  Desires go out the window in the face of necessities, as your priorities have to be focused on fixing things.  Still there is one desire that some of us who are broke can’t seem to shake loose of and ignore when struggling with money and debt: companionship.

If anything, it seems like one’s desire to find someone to spend time with romantically becomes heightened as your financial concerns grow or persist.  It’s very understandable, as we all seek out someone who we can come to dealing with our troubles.  Sure we have friendships to lean on but there is something to be said about having someone you love by your side as you rise out of the ashes.   They pick you up like no one else can when you fall.  They share your tears with you.  They are there to listen and understand.  They seem to know just what to say or what to do to keep you going.  Now ain’t that something?  It makes you feel that everything is going to be alright because there is someone next to you who believes in you and is willing to see you through the journey.

But it doesn’t always work out that way.  When going through difficulties, especially financially, unless you had someone who came into the struggle with you, it’s not so easy to find yourself able to actively date let alone find someone who willing to go into a relationship with you.  I must say, as a broke person myself, I can’t blame someone for not wanting to get with a person who got a lot going on in the financial area as well as overall.  Stress can be very debilitating to a relationship and some people are just not interested in managing things that can wear you down.  This is especially true of people who are in a positive state and are fearful of having their spirits fade or their fortunes turn for the worse.  Some feel as if the weight of another shoulders is too much to deal with and fear being dragged down by it.  Some are do not have the capacity to actually deal with issues in their own lives let alone able to do so with another.  And of course some just don’t give a fuck because their standards demand a certain price in every sense of the word.

As someone who is going through the most right now, especially on the financial plain of things, I totally get it.  I know for me personally while I would love to be with someone I totally get it why someone would not find me attractive or interesting.  Doesn’t matter how cute I am, I kindhearted I am, how much of a good person I may be, there is something to be said about being in the state that I am in financially and mentally being a deterrent to a woman.  I can treat you like royalty, but I can barely treat you to some Wendy’s let alone an Applebee’s 2 for $25.  That ain’t the move.

As much as I’d love for that special someone to be able to stand by me through these trying times I get it one hundred percent.  Does it hurt to think that no matter what type of person you are you’re worth in a relationship can sometimes be measured by the problems you have or your financial state?  Sure does.  But at the same time – well at least for me – there is an understanding that in order for a relationship to work there has to be some type of balance in all things important, and things such as finances definitely are a part of those things that need to maintain a balance.  In a perfect world yes, we can be like the movies.  That whole “all I need is your love to get by” that you hear in songs would sound a lot sweeter if it were true.  And you know in some cases there are limits and exceptions in which financial and other serious issues can be looked past.  Definitely if they are temporary states that are clearly showing signs of turning around.  But even then it’s understandable if someone is not willing to wait around for those better days.  You never know what is going to happen.  For someone like me, yeah I can see myself trying to stick things through if we’re already in a relationship, and I can also see myself taking a chance on a woman who’s in a bad way.  I’d still may be hesitant and worried at the least however as their may be moments of doubt that creep through my head.  It’s okay though because in the end, a relationship is never just about how you feel about someone.  Security and surety are needed in more than just emotion.  If you are unable to give it, or give a reasonable enough effort and evidence that you are worth committing to during your problems then you shouldn’t expect someone to put up with it, or want them to for that matter.  I know it sounds cruel but in the end it’s just a part of how it goes.  Perhaps you should worry more about securing yourself first before securing a relationship, or at the very least let the relationship come to you as you build upon yourself.

My Self Worth Costs Me Plenty

I can be pretty foolish when it comes to my concern for the happiness of others. I’ve seriously gone to ridiculous lengths to ensure that family, friends – hell even on occasion strangers – that I would rarely go for myself. As unhealthy as I know it is well… I just have a hard time feeling that I’m worthy. Of course, if I don’t feel that way, who will?

I find this especially to be true when it comes with relationships or interaction with women in general. While I do have my limits when it comes to how I’m treated by people I find that these limitations crumble when there is an emotional attachment on my behalf involved. Just recently I’ve had several conversations that reminded me of just how easily I am willing to allow people to ignore my feelings or desires, even dismiss them as being disingenuous. I get over though because somehow I always find a way to dismiss them myself in order to put someone else’s feelings and desires ahead.

This has not only led to a peculiar state in which I find myself uncomfortable with allowing people to try to make me happy. Mind you a lot of this is based on the negative experiences I’ve had, in which I’d probably need a 200 page journal and a psychiatrist to go over, but in short they’ve left me with an obsession to ensure that I leave people feeling better about themselves at my own cost. One good example of this is sex.

As much as I love sex and how it feels, I find myself more invested in the pleasure of the woman I’m with, and occasionally I feel a lot of that has to do with my obsessive need to see others happy. Don’t get me wrong, one of my biggest turn ons (and something I feel should be all men’s motivation) is seeing a woman sexually pleased. There’s definitely a bit of selfishness involved when it comes to bringing a woman to extraordinary heights of arousal and pleasure that I can’t deny. It is an ego boost I’m more than happy to achieve as much as possible but I must admit that more than not I am willing to do so at the expense of myself because well, I don’t necessarily expect to be reciprocated because of how I view my worth.

This can lead to some very awkward situations for me sexually as my willingness to defer a woman’s offers tends to come off as a lack of interest on my part. Granted most women I’ve been with tended to be just fine with ignoring me and accepting all that I’m willing to do for them, so it’s a bit of a system shock when my pleasure becomes their concern. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reacted in the most embarrassing ways. They weren’t just answering embarrassing for myself; in some cases I’ve left women feeling doubt in their sexuality as I’ve let my lack of trust and belief in my own self worth derail things. All they wanted was to please me as much as I’ve wanted to please them, but I couldn’t see pass my lack of self worth due to my past.

This feeling that I don’t matter is definitely an issue I need to resolve. While it hasn’t ruined every situation it’s harmed more than I care to admit. Not just sexually but in every aspect of my life. Still it’s pretty bad knowing I may be leaving others feeling worse off because of my inability to separate them from the transgressions of others from my past and my own esteem issues.

Honestly I can’t even say I know what it will take for me break myself of this but I definitely don’t want it to continue forever. It’s been a serious hindrance to life in general but especially to my love and lust life. Perhaps there is hope for me yet however as more and more I’ve been more encouraged to combat this issue more. The fact is I want to be able to experience things like sex in the same way many do and unless I “get over myself” and give myself more credit I’ll always be missing out on the full extent of pleasure, life, and love. Only time will tell though.

Yes You Can Talk To Women…Just Not Like An Ass…

As we are in the midst of the #MeToo movement I have to admit I find myself amused by the reactions of some people to it. In particular, I’m tickled at how there are those that thing that life has dramatically changed and the rules to the dating game are completely flipped upside down. I too like some of you have heard dudes comment on how they feel paralyzed now to approach a woman because they are “afraid” that what they say would be taken the wrong way or that their words and actions may get them into trouble. To me, it’s ridiculous because at the end of the day, nothing really has changed except for one major thing in my mind: the same bullshit you have been doing has ALWAYS been wrong, your ass just will be held more accountable than before. So yeah you might want to just do yourself a favor and don’t say or do that stuff again.

At some point or another, all of us men have said or done thing at least once that was not cool when it comes to women. Of course a lot of us were unfortunate not to be called out for it. I say unfortunate because what happens is that we have found ourselves not actually understanding now why certain things are not acceptable. The easy thing is to blame women for not speaking up but let’s be honest: it’s never been easy for them to do so. Sure, as things have progressed it’s become more acceptable and encouraged for women but let’s not pretend like there’s not a still existing culture that encourages us to ignore women, their wants, thoughts, and feelings in light of what we think, want, and feel. So yeah I can understand how jarring and disorienting it can be for some of us to now have to deal with the revelation that things we’ve done that we thought were cool aren’t cool. Oh well. Suck it up and deal with it.

We’ve gone ages asking women to do that: suck it up and deal with it. Well now it’s our turn. And to be honest I don’t see why we feel like it’s that hard to deal with. After all, all they’re doing is asking for you to show them some respect. Granted some of the things that bother some women won’t bother others. In either case, it doesn’t mean that you now have to walk on egg shells because women aren’t willing to take shit quietly or passively anymore. It just means that you can’t be a jerk and expect not to get clapped back on for it. And if you do get told that what you’re doing is offensive do yourself a favor: take notes, learn from it, and try not to do it again okay?

Yes, guys, you can converse with women still. You can even flirt; women still like that believe it or not. Just don’t be a dick about it. If you’re confused about what it is that is acceptable or not there’s a simple solution: ASK A WOMAN. I’m pretty sure you have a woman in your life that will gladly set you straight. Let’s not be silly and think that we’re not equipped to handle the changes that are occurring in society. It’s still possible to woo a woman if you want to, just don’t be an ass about it please.

Worthy of It

It’s been a good while since I’ve done a blog on this page.   It’s mostly due to the fact that my life has been pretty crazy to where the idea of dating felt trivial to me in a lot of ways.  I used the reasoning a lot of people use in justifying not pursuing a relationship: how could I be in a relationship if my life isn’t the way I want it to be in other areas?  As time has passed and I continue to go through it in life I find myself now asking why should I deny myself an opportunity to find happiness with someone?

Straight up: the struggle is real out here.   The last few years of my life have seen me in some tough situations.  Life has made me have to face some hard decisions all on my own as well.   I felt that I needed to totally concentrate on my issues and not even bother with dating on any capacity because what do I really have to offer besides love?

Between dealing with financial issues and my own personal esteem and emotional issues (depression, anxiety), how could I ask someone to want to deal with that?  With all of my problems I just couldn’t see myself as being beneficial to anyone whether it be on a casual or serious level.   Yes, I even defer sexual encounters because of my self worth issues.

As time goes on I am starting to feel foolish for that stance.  Sure,  financial and emotional stability are extremely important in a relationship but the reality is things aren’t always perfect in life and love.   Would it be ideal to be financially secure, completely happy, and completely free of serious issues when coming into a relationship?  Hell yeah it would be.  That being said should that deter you from being with someone that can bring happiness in your life?

The thing I’ve realized for myself is that on avoiding a relationship or dating all together just because life isn’t where I want it be doesn’t help me in the least.  Feeling unworthy of those things I’ve only just added to my emotional baggage.  I’ve denied myself an opportunity to enjoy life,  be it through casual or serious interaction with a woman? Sitting here constantly focusing on how to “fix myself” hasn’t been an enjoyable experience.  I have noticed that in those moments that I’ve let my guard slip I’ve felt good sharing time with someone, even if it was brief.  Why not seek more of those moments?

I’m starting to understand this: love and happiness shouldn’t be limited by where you’re at whether it’s in the struggle or not.  We all deserve to enjoy certain things in life and if it’s within your means to get it then perhaps you should go for it.  Love and happiness is out there to be had even in the midst of life’s storms, and to completely tie yourself of from something that can be helpful to you in rough times if available is asinine.  If you have the opportunity to enjoy life’s moments with someone you should never feel as if you’re not worthy of it because it’s there for a reason.   It’s the way it’s supposed be.  YOU ARE worthy of it, enjoy it. 

As Freaky As You Wanna Be

Warning: This blog will get pretty “adult” so if you’re not comfortable with talking about extreme sexual subjects please do not read any further.  You’re been warned.

So I’m just going to put this out there without beating around the bush, because contextually speaking it does no good to be shy about the inspiration of this blog.  So one night I was watching porn (shocker there, single male watches porn) and I started to reflect on a few things that I was seeing on the screen.  One thing in particular was the ending of a scene when, as per usual with porn, the guy was about to cum and pulled out to give her a money shot (don’t act like y’all don’t know porn terminology).  In this case there was no ceremonial splash all over a designated area of the woman’s body; instead, she decided to receive his “gift” in her mouth.  Yep, she swallowed it.  Now normally I’m not bothered by much that goes on in porn but I kind of flinched a little internally at this, as it reminded me of the one and only time I happened to be involved in a situation like this.

So I was with this girl and she didn’t want to have sex; she just wanted to perform oral sex on me, as a birthday gift oddly enough.  So needless to say I’m enjoying my gift when the “moment of truth” arrives.  Me being the nice guy that I am, I let her know verbally that I was about to blow, as a courtesy to her because while this isn’t the first time I’ve gotten oral I’ve never been one to drop my load in or around a woman’s facial area, nor was I pressed to see if I could get her to do so.  Apparently she had no issue with it whatsoever because my announcement seemed to make her even more determined to stay in place and ride it out to the end, which she did.  If you need me to spell it out, it’s simple: she swallowed it.

So afterwards, I’m of course enjoying the afterglow of the moment when she decides she wants to kiss me on the lips.  So what did I do in that instance?  The wrong thing perhaps; I instinctively drew back before I eventually let her brush her lips lightly on mine.  I could only imagine the look on my face as it happened; mind you it was only a second, a slight peck, but it was enough to mortify me at that time.

So why do I tend to internally flinch when I see that happen on screen?  It’s mostly due to the fact that every time I’m reminded of my reaction in real life towards it I feel slightly bad.  Why?  Because, beyond the fact that she could have taken offense to it (which she didn’t, seeing her eyes were closed when she went to kiss me, or maybe she just didn’t care after a job well done), as years have passed I tend to find myself feeling silly for doing so.  Having gone down on a few women in my sexual history, I’ve yet to experienced one shying away from kissing me on the lips after I’ve had my entire face buried between their legs for God knows how long.  If they’re willing to kiss me after that, why was I so hesitant to kiss her after what she did?  After all, it’s pretty much the same thing.

I pretty much just realized that when it comes to sexuality, not everybody is (or should be) comfortable with doing any and everything.  There is no rule book that says that you have to be freaky on a certain level.  It’s totally acceptable to have limitations to what you are willing to do when it comes to sex, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Mind you, I’d like to think that if that situation were to occur again I’d be much more open minded about it, but if I’m not then hey that’s just something I’m not really comfortable with and it’s okay.  In no way should she (or anybody) make me feel as if I’m wrong for feeling that way.  In turn, I have to accept that if a woman isn’t into some of the things that I’d like her to do, then I have no right to do so myself.  At the end of the day it’s all about what you want to experience; if you’re not comfortable with at least trying then there is no reason for you to put yourself in that situation.  Sex is to be experienced and enjoyed; experimenting with things is not cool if you’re not openly willing, so don’t feel as if you have to do so to please someone else.  If they can’t accept that then they’re probably not for you.  At the end of the day, you can be as freaky as you want to be.

So what’s your take on this?  Hit me up and let me know what you think.  As always, I appreciate you guys reading.  Peace.

Unjustified Behavior

Remember how when you were a child and you would do something that you just knew was wrong because your friends were doing it as well?  Once you got caught, you would try and justify your actions to exclaiming how so and so was doing it as well.  What was the response you normally got from your parents?  Normally your parents would say to you, “Well if so and so jumped off a bridge, would you do that too?” or something along those lines, and it would infuriate you to no end because deep down, you know they were right.  Well, folks, I’m about to do the same to you, and once I’m done, I guarantee you a lot of you probably won’t like it.

One of my biggest pet peeves pertaining to talking to my friends about their love life is the silly, unwarranted attempts they take at justifying certain actions that they take.  One of the biggest examples I can think of is how a close buddy of mine tried to explain to me why he was right for stepping out on his girlfriend.  He claimed to me that she had done so herself and so since she did it, he felt like he had the right to do it, in part as a way to get back at her, even though he didn’t tell her about what happened.  Now as I’m sitting here listening to him tell me this story in earnest, I couldn’t help but to think in my head the exact same thing our parents used to say to us: “If she jumped off a bridge would you do that too?”

Now of course, it wouldn’t exactly be apropos to the situation; after all, jumping off a bridge and cheating on someone isn’t exactly apples to apples.  Still, it fit in the spirit of things because at the end of the day he was just as wrong and stupid as she was for cheating on him.  In fact, one might want to argue that he was even more ridiculous due to the fact that he took what to most would consider a painful event in their relationship and turned it into an opportunity to come up on some side action.

Now ladies, I have to especially call you out on this, because you all probably are guilty of justifying bad behavior more than we are.  Granted, most men like to excuse their behavior for genetics; they’re just “doing what men do, after all,” which, I agree, is probably the oldest and lamest cop out when it comes to taking responsibility for your actions.  What I’ve noticed nowadays is that a lot of women will take this and try to use it against men when arguing why it’s okay for them to do some of those lame things that guys excuse by their genetics, which includes cheating, lying to get what they want out of a man, and so on.  I’ve had conversations with women who feel like no matter what, if a man has done something similar (or just anything at all) that could be frowned upon towards a woman, they feel doubly justified in doing something awful themselves.  It’s as if they feel compelled because of the past to get reparations for women who suffered in the past.  I mean some of you ladies are dead serious about it; it’s pretty scary in a lot of ways because no matter how logical the argument is against it some of you all will not budge from that mindset.

The thing that makes all of this really bad is that nine times out of ten, when a man or woman is doing something that is not justifiable towards someone is that that person being punished is not a bad person at all; they’re just a victim of circumstances.  A lot of time the person being punished is in no way shape or form deserving of being treated bad, which could lead to them harboring the same type of ill will and intent as the person victimizing them, causing them to take up the same attitude and to lash out at others unjustifiably, perpetuating the sad cycle.

The bottom line is this: no matter what someone has done to you that has affected you in a negative light, there is no real justification for you to go out and cause pain towards someone else, even if they turn out to be a complete douche.  By going out and doing the same thing (or worse) as someone has done to you in the past to another person, regardless of who they are or how they are, doesn’t make things even and damn sure doesn’t make things right.  It’s a lot simpler to just remove yourself from their presence and the situation.  I mean I understand, there is a little bit of satisfaction when you do so, it does nothing to change what happened towards you, so in a way it’s just pointless.  Try to put out a lot more positive energy than continuing the negative trends.  But hey, maybe you just really want to jump off that bridge with the others.

So what’s your take on people justifying their foolish behavior by defending it with other absurd behavior?  I’m curious to see what you guys think about this subject.  I thank you for reading.  Peace.

Doing The “Honorable” Thing

I try to think of myself as an honorable man.  I like to think that I’m honest, decent, and pretty much an all-around standup guy.  I also tend to think of myself as being foolish when it comes to my honor.  Why?  Because sometimes, it just seems that while I work hard to be honorable the rest of the world is working extremely hard at being pretty dishonorable.

Now you may be asking why I’m writing about personal honor in a dating and relationships blog.  Well the catalyst for this blog was a situation I had with a woman recently.  I met a lady on the internet and we talked now and then.  Long story short things progressed to a flirtatious level, which isn’t such a bad thing right?  Well it wouldn’t be if I had not found out that she was in a relationship.  Being me, I decided to try and back down because as an honorable person I’m not into breaking up or causing trouble in people’s relationships.

Of course, as I backed down, she became more persistent with the flirting and would openly tell me that it didn’t matter that she was in a relationship; she wanted to get down to business regardless.  Now if you don’t know what I mean by “getting down to business,” then I’ll try to say it in as simple (and family friendly) a way as possible: she wanted to do the nasty.  Now if that’s not clear to you then I’m sorry but I can’t help you; call a friend and ask them to break it down for you.

Now being a guy, the natural internal response (and external physical response) was, “oh damn she want me to hit it?  HELL YEAH!” but I have something that a lot of guys would probably tell you it’s unfortunate to have in situations like this, and that’s a conscious.  No matter how attracted I was to this woman, the honorable part of me would not let me walk down that path.  Not matter what she did or said I wouldn’t take the bait; sure, I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to smash but my conscious kept going back to one thing: what if it were your girl that was doing this?  How would you feel being the guy to sleep with someone else’s woman?  Would having sex with this woman be worth the possible drama it could bring you?

So to the first question, I can’t say that I can answer, as I’ve never experienced a situation like that.  To the second, well, I do have some experience.  Oddly enough, the first woman I ever slept with was dating a guy on and off and at the time they were at an off period, as they had been having issues.  At the time it was no big deal because I was young, dumb, and full of cum as the saying goes, so the only thing that registered with me at the moment was getting it in for the first time.  Thinking back on it, it was pretty silly of me to get involved in that situation, which is pretty much my answer for question number three.  God only knows what could have happened had he found out.  One could never tell how someone would react to hearing about someone that they’re involved with and/or love and how they slept with someone else.  While conventional wisdom says address the person who you’re with, people tend to go after the person that slept with the person they’re with, which not only makes no sense but leaves them feeling free to do to you what they wouldn’t do to a loved one.

So by avoiding sleeping with this woman I stick to my honorable path, no matter how uneasy it can be.  Make no mistake, it’s hard; to this day I wonder what would be the price and if it would be worth getting in bed with this woman.  I mean I can’t lie, she was giving me attention at a time when I needed it and to this day I appreciate it.  Of course, as good as the attention feels I still can’t bring myself to say to hell with it and get it on with her.  Would most people do this these days?  Probably not; conventional rules of dating seem to have gone out the window ages ago.  It wouldn’t matter to some that this woman had been with her man for years and had several kids with them either like it matters to me. At the end of the day, as a friend of mines states quite often, pussy is pussy is the generally rule of thumb with a lot of dudes.  I just find myself not trying to be like a lot of dudes, and sometimes I honestly have to ask myself if doing the honorable thing is always the right thing.  No matter though; at the end of the day it’s all about what I’m willing to live with, because if I can’t live with myself then I definitely couldn’t find myself living with another person.  I guess I’ll maintain doing the honorable thing; definitely sucks not to get some because of it though.

So what do you think?  Am I a fool for my “honorable” ways?  Or is this a good thing.  I appreciate you reading and definitely would appreciate some feedback.  Peace.

“Why Do Men Lie (To Get What They Want)?”

I’ve always been the type of guy that a lot of women come to for advice when it comes to men and relationships.  I never understood why (beyond the fact that I’m considered a nice guy), but whenever I’m approached with questions I always try to be as honest as I can.  One question that comes up frequently (mostly likely because it’s probably their biggest complaint about us): why do men lie (to get what they want out of a woman)?

Now if there is one question I hate having to answer it’s definitely this one, simply because I always feel as if I have to soft shoe it way too much to most of the people who ask.  To be honest, I don’t think women ask this question to really get an answer (which oddly enough is part of one of my reasons men lie, but more on that in a bit).  Still I get continually asked, and being the honest guy I am, I comply.  So I decided that maybe I should just write my thoughts out and share with you guys a few reasons why (I feel) men lie to women.  Mind you I probably could have come up with a lot more reasons, some of which (along with the ones I’m giving you here) can probably work for both sexes, but I feel that these are some that carry more weight when it comes to women in general.  So, without further ado, I will give you my honest opinion on why men lie (in no particular order):

It’s not what you really want to hear – There are situations when a man is conversing with a woman and she asks certain question where he feels she’s probing for a particular answer and not necessarily his honest opinion.  Usually, he’s been in a situation before where a woman has asked him a question and he answered honestly, only to be given grief and end up being on the outs with her.   To avoid a situation where he’s not in the good graces of he’s involved with or pursuing a man will say what he feels is needed to keep a situation as positive as it can be for him and his purposes.

It’s not always beneficial to what he wants – Speaking of him and his purpose, I’m going to give you ladies a big spoiler: men lie to get what they want.  Now I’ve always found this reason as something that should be extremely obvious to women but find most seem (or are just acting as if they are) oblivious to the sense of this.  Bottom line, if a guy knew that saying something as simple and totally honest as “I think you’re hot and would love to have sex with you” would get him in your pants then he’d gladly do it and do it as often as possible.  It would mean that he would not have to go through what he would consider extra work to reach his goals with a woman, because let’s be serious, a lie is work.  You have to make a conscious effort to not only lie but commit yourself to it, and guys honestly prefer not to do so.  Instead of avoiding doing so however a guy will go through the motions if he’s really interested in accomplishing whatever he has set out to do that involves you.  Now this is not to say that every lie that a man tells is ultimately to get something from you but I’d be lying to you (see what I just did there) if that wasn’t probably the driving reason behind it most of the time.

Because you allow him to – This mostly pertains to relationships but can also relate to dating as well.  Again, spoiler alert: men are bad liars.  At best men can be elaborate with them but at the end of the day if you think about it most of our lies stay within the same framework.   We tend to stick to the same tried and true tactics that have worked since the days of our forefathers and their forefathers.  So how do we get away with lame stuff like this?  Because sadly there are enough of you out there who will convince themselves that the bullshit we’re spitting is believable.  Say I’m full of it if you want, but I’ve spoken to enough women about their relationship situations to know that no matter how uncertain they are about what their man has told them they always find a reason to dismiss their own apprehensions and not only accept what they’ve been told but defend it as well.  I’m pretty sure a lot of you know women who do the same thing.

Well there you have it, my honest opinion.  Hopefully some people that I know will read this and be able to avoid asking me.  Hopefully some of you will get a good idea of what is going on with your involvement with a liar.  Hopefully I don’t piss too many off with this.  Oh well, it’s whatever; just wanted to share with you guys some insight on this and be as honest as possible, and that is no lie.

 

So what do you think?  Am I just full of it or do I make sense?  Occasionally I feel I do make sense and this is one of those moments.  Feel free to hit me up and give me your opinion on the matter.  Appreciate you reading; hope you enjoy it.  Peace.